You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Are we still banned from the library?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
