it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
