Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
