Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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