it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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