He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
