i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
