dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
