i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
