She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have fence marks all over my body
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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