if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
