i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
