apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
