Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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