When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
