What tipped you off? The sombrero?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
