literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
