So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize