your thong is hanging out like whoa
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
