Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
