i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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