I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
