Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
