Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
