i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
