I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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