Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You pole danced in your parka.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
