If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
