What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
