he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
