New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
