people are starting to question the shark bite story
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
