On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
