I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
