Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
