just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
