I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
