she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
