I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
