take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
