So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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