he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
