You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
