very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
