Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
