yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
