just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
