mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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