I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
