I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
