thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
