I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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