Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
