Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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