all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
