I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
