so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
