So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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