I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize