look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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