quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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