she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
