my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize