Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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