It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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