Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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