hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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