So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
