So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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