You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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