True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize