Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
