He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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