Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
