If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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