when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
