I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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