Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
