Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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